Dysfunctional Section of Hallmark...quoted

I'm in the mood for jokes... so, here's another one I found...

quoted from a forum maintained by Tremayne...

so, here it goes:

The cards that you'd really like to send.

I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) -
I've changed my mind.

I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) -
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) -
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) -
Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need
it again.

Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) -
Someone other than you.

Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) -
Almost lifelike!

When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) -
Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) -
What do you say we stop?

I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) -
It's almost like you're still here.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) -
Did you ever find out who the father was?

You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship
and there was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) -
I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your
birthday...
(Inside card) -
So we're having you put to sleep.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and Arkansas AND
UTAH!!!!!)

Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't
help but wonder...
(Inside card) -
What was I thinking?

Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) -
Too bad no one likes your husband.