It's about the journey...

WARNING: This is gonna be one of those 'thoughts' rambling...

So, i'm actually not sure if typing is therapeutic, but expressing what you have in mind, in whatever ways definitely help. One of my friends suggested writing your thoughts and worries on a piece of paper, and then tear up the paper. I'm more for typing them all on the blogs, and see how I grow, how I become more and more mature as I grow older, and hopefully wiser. Imagine if I were to keep this blog, or maybe another blog under another chapter for say 10-20 years, and after 20 years, looking and reading back all these posts, it's gonna be something. Don't you think so?

So, thanks for all the support and consoling words in response to the previous post. I'm touched. So, I thought that I already get over it. But, knowing me, I still want to add some words to that. I finally realize that it's all about the journey, not so much of the end result. See, going to interviews and all, then, to the companies for 2nd round interviews, were indeed great eye opener to me. On top of that, these interviews taught me even more than just how to communicate, but also, how to make plans better. Interviews, especially 2nd rounds are very time consuming. Not only do you need to prepare yourself for them, all the traveling, waiting, and other related stuffs really throw my already busy schedule off rhythm. So, time management skills, also, know your priorities definitely help you to be able to keep a good balance between getting your grades and also making ends meet.

Also, from the interviews, I learned a lot more not only about companies and their employees, but also, a lot more about myself. While answering, and preparing myself to answer those behavioral questions, all the tell-me-about-your-experience-when questions really had me thinking about over the 3 years here at the University of Michigan so far, what had I really learned as a person. Other than just getting the grades, working to earn for my holidays, what have I done to develop myself to be a better person. When did I take initiatives to do something out of my comfort zone? When did I take lead? What's my proudest achievements so far? When did I have a disagreement with my supervisor? How did I go about solving problems?... All these questions might be meant for the interviewers to learn about me, but I learned about myself answering them too.

This had been a pretty moody week for me. I'm not sure izzit because of the extremely frigid weather, the 4 exams/midterms next week (+ 20% of having to make a presentation on an Econ paper), having to pack for my Spring Break trip to England and Ireland, my disappointment of the rejection + the wait for to hear from the other company, or whatever. But, I had been not feeling well, and cheerful, and high-spirited as I normally would. On top of that, I had been sleeping more (which might sound like a good thing to others, but it's definitely not a good sign for me). I only sleep more when I have problems. But, whatever it is, all I'm asking for is to get through the next 6 days and I'm off to my Spring break, flying away from all these, not sure if it's gonna help, but I definitely need a break.

Chinese New Year is just 2 days away. But, really, I have no mood or feel like celebrating at all. How do you celebrate when you at the corner of your eyes, you see exams, deadlines, and worries? But, really, hope the year of the golden boar will bring us all good health, and that's all I ask for.

More about my Spring Break trip(or next 2 week's agenda generally):
So, I have 2 exams on Tues, 20% chance of having to present an Economics paper on Wed, 2 more exams on Thur, in between all those studying, I need to pack to my Spring break trip, which I will be leaving for the airport at 5.40pm, right after my Econ exam that will end at 5.30pm. At 8.10pm, I'll fly to London Heathrow, via Chicago. On the 23rd (Fri), I'll be arriving at London Heathrow Airport at 11.30am, will then meet up with my friend, Chee Han and other Subang Utama people in London, probably 1pm. Then, might do some walking around, until night for the CNY dinner. I'll be in London for 4 days, til Monday afternoon(Feb 26th), where I'll be flying to Dublin, Ireland alone, spending 2 nights there, and from Dublin, I'll fly to Manchester on Wed(Feb 28th) night, meeting up with Kim Tat, then, spend 2-3 nights there, and then from there, taking a train early Sat(Mar 3rd) morning to the great city of Southampton, where I'll be meeting up with Tremayne, spending one night there, and then, on Sun(Mar 4th) noon, going to London, and flying back to Detroit via Chicago, reaching the airport at about 8ish, take a bus back to Ann Arbor, should be reaching 10ish. And, the next day, class at 8.30am.

Busy enough? I guess...

What I really want to say in this post is, life is a long journey. Where you want to go, and what you want to do and how you want to look at things really make or break the journey. Watching American Idol has really taught me a lot about this. Watching people having dreams, and strive hard to achieve it really means a lot. It really taught me, whatever you want, you must work hard to achieve it. And what you think about yourself, might not turn out to be what others are thinking about you. But, that's totally fine. If that's what who you are, and it's not wrong, you don't have to change yourself just to fit in. It's about where YOU want to go, and what YOU want to do, and how YOU want to see things. It's YOUR journey.

Let me quote my favorite movie of the year , Little Miss Sunshine,
Dwayne:"You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. School, then college, then work... Fuck that. And fuck the Air Force Academy. If I want to fly, I'll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and fuck the rest."

I'm no way angry or sad in anyway while writing this post. I'm just sharing my thoughts, and I'm actually smiling while typing and reflecting all this.

Typing is therapeutic

Hi guys, it had been a long while since I last updated here. I thought I could wait until I have some good news before I update my blog here, but, I was plutoed. One of my favorite companies that I applied for rejected me after the 2nd interview. It was painful. What a bitter pill to swallow. I do think that it's our loss. Really! My loss and theirs. So, I actually found that typing is therapeutic. So, expect a long post.

Why? Because of information is deemed as private goods, they don't really know about me to make a decision with full knowledge about me. That's why I'm a proponent for knowledge sharing. Knowledge and information should be public goods, make available for all. That's why I don't think interview is a good way to really know a person. It's more like judging a book by its cover. Why not do some recommendations, or some other more insightful ways to really learn about a person. I would say. It's really unfair (i know, nobody say everything is gonna be fair in the real world) for one to be judged just like that.

But, interview is just all about judging a person. From the first appearance, first words, first smell, first sense/feel to the very last thoughts. It's all judge judge judge. It's worse than a blind date(i guess, never have the opportunity). That's why I think people really need to come up with better ideas on getting to know a person before making hiring decisions. Really, it's really disheartening, discomforting, and just demoralizing to see someone with not as good work ethics, qualifications and what not to be running away with offers. I'm not saying that employers are making bad decisions, but, I'm just saying that they don't have enough info and knowledge to make a good one.

I know there are faults on my part, because I know that I'm not the easiest person to read. People think that I'm too guarded, but I'm not. I'm just that plain, that straight and that 'boring' a person. I was told by someone that I'm just too good, too nice, just everything with me is right, and that's a problem. Because, that's not possible. But well, I'm not trying to brag here, but that's pretty much who I am. I am hardworking(call me an workaholic, because it's written on my forehead). I am a fast learner (in stuffs that I'm interested in). I have the grades, the professional papers, the leadership experiences, and other stuffs to back me up. But well, I guessed I'm too prepped up? But I'm not. I don't just do something to make my resume looks nice, but I did a lot of stuffs and hence, my resume is filled. I was never comfortable telling people about my achievements, because that's the Asian 'humble' tradition. Not until I learned that in order to be noticeable, one need to really state a point, make a statement, show a blast, and stress your existence. If not, you will just be buried by others.

I am a positive person too. My biggest problem is that I need to learn to let go. Really, something like such rejections will set me back a lot. It affects me so much that I know that I really need to learn to let go. Life's like that, you know. As cliche as is sounds, it really is. There's no smooth sailing all the time. If there's, what fun would that bring? But, having hopes and being disappointed is no fun either. It knocked me off so well that my positive self was so affected that I had to use all sorta logic to console myself. Most of the time, I can just take things easy, and laugh it off in minutes. But, this got me really bad. But well, at least I'm comfortable talking about it now.

Fear. That's what bothering me now. I know I should still be positive, but after having such a bad first step, I'm really afraid to be hopeful. I'm afraid to be confident, and I'm afraid to really believe in myself. The sheer fear of thoughts that not having an summer internship really makes me shiver. For that reason, I looked for more alternatives and sent in a few more applications just to keep myself busy, and just think that miracles will happen.

I've finally purchased all my flight tickets (from London to Dublin and from Dublin to Manchester), also, I've booked my hostels at Dublin. In addition, I've bought a huge backpack for my trip and it's now on its way to me. I'll start packing really soon, because it is going to be a crazy week right before my spring break begins. 4 exams on that week. Not to mention, most probably, I'll need to start working on my first draft of my course paper, which is my potential thesis. I'm really looking forward for this spring break, because it had been a really long first-half of the semester for me. All the interviews, classes, work, unforeseen stuffs, and also, extra-curricular work are really wearing me down well. Not to mention, I need to start studying for the actuarial exam in May too. All the emotional ups and downs are not easy to deal with either.

OK, my thoughts are going everywhere now. Last 2 weeks had been really cold. I read somewhere that it was one of the coldest Feb in 100 years here at Michigan. I don't think there was a point in February thus far that's above the freezing point here at Michigan. And, that's just temperature. If you were to take into consideration the wind-chill effect, it's even colder. Most nights, it's more than 10 degree Celcius below the freezing point. And the coldest I'd experience this month is a whopping -24 Celcius. Pure temperature. -29 degree with wind chill. How cold is that? too cold... too cold. Hopefully, it's just because of the arctic blast and not because of the late start of the winter season. But, well, what do i know about being hopeful again?

I really do hope that I will have some good news to share with all in my next post. Keep warm, but stay cool... :)