Typing is therapeutic

Hi guys, it had been a long while since I last updated here. I thought I could wait until I have some good news before I update my blog here, but, I was plutoed. One of my favorite companies that I applied for rejected me after the 2nd interview. It was painful. What a bitter pill to swallow. I do think that it's our loss. Really! My loss and theirs. So, I actually found that typing is therapeutic. So, expect a long post.

Why? Because of information is deemed as private goods, they don't really know about me to make a decision with full knowledge about me. That's why I'm a proponent for knowledge sharing. Knowledge and information should be public goods, make available for all. That's why I don't think interview is a good way to really know a person. It's more like judging a book by its cover. Why not do some recommendations, or some other more insightful ways to really learn about a person. I would say. It's really unfair (i know, nobody say everything is gonna be fair in the real world) for one to be judged just like that.

But, interview is just all about judging a person. From the first appearance, first words, first smell, first sense/feel to the very last thoughts. It's all judge judge judge. It's worse than a blind date(i guess, never have the opportunity). That's why I think people really need to come up with better ideas on getting to know a person before making hiring decisions. Really, it's really disheartening, discomforting, and just demoralizing to see someone with not as good work ethics, qualifications and what not to be running away with offers. I'm not saying that employers are making bad decisions, but, I'm just saying that they don't have enough info and knowledge to make a good one.

I know there are faults on my part, because I know that I'm not the easiest person to read. People think that I'm too guarded, but I'm not. I'm just that plain, that straight and that 'boring' a person. I was told by someone that I'm just too good, too nice, just everything with me is right, and that's a problem. Because, that's not possible. But well, I'm not trying to brag here, but that's pretty much who I am. I am hardworking(call me an workaholic, because it's written on my forehead). I am a fast learner (in stuffs that I'm interested in). I have the grades, the professional papers, the leadership experiences, and other stuffs to back me up. But well, I guessed I'm too prepped up? But I'm not. I don't just do something to make my resume looks nice, but I did a lot of stuffs and hence, my resume is filled. I was never comfortable telling people about my achievements, because that's the Asian 'humble' tradition. Not until I learned that in order to be noticeable, one need to really state a point, make a statement, show a blast, and stress your existence. If not, you will just be buried by others.

I am a positive person too. My biggest problem is that I need to learn to let go. Really, something like such rejections will set me back a lot. It affects me so much that I know that I really need to learn to let go. Life's like that, you know. As cliche as is sounds, it really is. There's no smooth sailing all the time. If there's, what fun would that bring? But, having hopes and being disappointed is no fun either. It knocked me off so well that my positive self was so affected that I had to use all sorta logic to console myself. Most of the time, I can just take things easy, and laugh it off in minutes. But, this got me really bad. But well, at least I'm comfortable talking about it now.

Fear. That's what bothering me now. I know I should still be positive, but after having such a bad first step, I'm really afraid to be hopeful. I'm afraid to be confident, and I'm afraid to really believe in myself. The sheer fear of thoughts that not having an summer internship really makes me shiver. For that reason, I looked for more alternatives and sent in a few more applications just to keep myself busy, and just think that miracles will happen.

I've finally purchased all my flight tickets (from London to Dublin and from Dublin to Manchester), also, I've booked my hostels at Dublin. In addition, I've bought a huge backpack for my trip and it's now on its way to me. I'll start packing really soon, because it is going to be a crazy week right before my spring break begins. 4 exams on that week. Not to mention, most probably, I'll need to start working on my first draft of my course paper, which is my potential thesis. I'm really looking forward for this spring break, because it had been a really long first-half of the semester for me. All the interviews, classes, work, unforeseen stuffs, and also, extra-curricular work are really wearing me down well. Not to mention, I need to start studying for the actuarial exam in May too. All the emotional ups and downs are not easy to deal with either.

OK, my thoughts are going everywhere now. Last 2 weeks had been really cold. I read somewhere that it was one of the coldest Feb in 100 years here at Michigan. I don't think there was a point in February thus far that's above the freezing point here at Michigan. And, that's just temperature. If you were to take into consideration the wind-chill effect, it's even colder. Most nights, it's more than 10 degree Celcius below the freezing point. And the coldest I'd experience this month is a whopping -24 Celcius. Pure temperature. -29 degree with wind chill. How cold is that? too cold... too cold. Hopefully, it's just because of the arctic blast and not because of the late start of the winter season. But, well, what do i know about being hopeful again?

I really do hope that I will have some good news to share with all in my next post. Keep warm, but stay cool... :)